The British Are Coming!

The UK (make that Tony Blair) sent troops into Iraq in 2003 to stand shoulder to shoulder with the Americans to root out weapons of mass destruction stockpiled by the mentally ill dictator Saddam. Ok, there weren't any but we decided that while we were there we might as well overthrow a mad dictator and restore peace and democracy to a failed state.

Two years earlier the UK sent its troops into Afghanistan to stand shoulder to shoulder with the Americans to overthrow mad dictators and restore peace and democracy to a failed state.

The operations were such a success that both countries today enjoy happy, peaceful lives, free from oppression, violence and strife caused by religious fanatics - says 'ere on this Government press release. Ok, they're back to square one with the Taliban in Afghanistan and Iraq is about as peaceful as a Saturday night out in South Shields but it's the principal that's important.

A lightbulb suddenly came on in my head. Huzzah! I've got a brilliant idea for US President Joe Biden!

Dear Joe,

If you look out of your window you might notice something - the USA is falling apart!

A security review has revealed threats against politicians have risen four-fold in the last year. Congressional spending on private security has ballooned since the Capitol Hill police were overwhelmed by a violent mob on January 6. Republicans - yes, REPUBLICANS - Liz Cheney and Mitt Romney have spent more than $100,000 between them on personal protection from those who would kill them, and their name is "legion", for they are many (Mark 5:9).

Democratic member of Congress Gabrielle Giffords was shot dead at point blank range in Casas Adobes, Arizona, ten years ago while fellow Democrat Senator Clementa Pinckney was killed at a mass shooting at a black church in Charleston, South Carolina, in 2015.

Two years later a man opened fire on a  congessional baseball match in Alexandria, Virginia, seriously injuring senior Republican Steve Scalise.

The insane, would-be dictator in whose name these attacks are usually carried out is trying to dismantle democracy in the USA by telling his cult following that ALL elections are rigged unless he wins them. He has 40-odd per cent of the populace believing this and vowing to overturn the democratically elected government.

Ring any bells? Mad dictator? The murder and maiming of opponents? Determined, violent attempts to scrap democracy? Religious zealotry and the invocation of "God's wish" to justify a coup d'etat?

No, not Iraq. Not Afghanistan. Not even Iran, Sudan or Russia. It's the USA Joe, the USA!

In the past, the UK has blindly followed your country into battle to wield the sword of justice and the shield of democracy so...............when do you want us to come?

We could all meet up in Central Park and peel off from there maybe? An all-out assault on Texas would be a good start while the RAF could bomb the shit out of Mar a Lago?

Waddya' think? We've had a few defence cuts over here but we've still got five fairly serviceable tanks which could be used in an emergency.

We HAVE got a brand new aircraft carrier, but sadly there are no planes on it, and we've recently bought a skipful of rifles since UKIP disbanded and had a car boot sale of its unwanted "office equipment". We will need bullets however. Got any spare?

Just say the word and we'll be there - as long as it's not a Wednesday or a weekend as we're all delivering petrol to filling stations then.

Fight the good fight!

Solidarity brother!

Reg.