Thankfully, West Yorkshire Police refused to be distracted by time-wasting, leftist, trendy, feminist allegations of widespread sexual abuse, misogyny and racism in certain sections of the UK's law enforcement service and gave Pc Chris Dwyer his marching orders.
The Home Secretary needs congratulating:
Dr Priti Patel,
Well done on overseeing a policing service in which we at last have our priorities right.
Bringing to justice Chris Dwyer after he coughed up just 10p for £1 worth of Jaffa Cakes shows we really are now getting tough on crime. As for the causes of crime, no-one knows why Mr Dwyer committed such a foul, abhorrent and disgusting act and doubtless threw away his pension after 25 years' unblemished service in the Royal Navy and a further two in the police.
What is known is that this is a major victory by senior officers in the West Yorkshire area which latest figures show is "the second most dangerous county in England, Wales and Northern Ireland". Nabbing the Jaffa Copper will go a long way towards making it safer for residents when those figures, for 2020, also show sex offences and those of violence, drugs, weapons possession and public order are all on the increase.
The Jaffa Cake as a victim of crime is a growing problem but seems to have been ignored by the left-wing media.
A 37-year-old Canterbury man nicked a packet of Jaffas from a pub in Dartford in October 2017 but, thank God, by brilliant policing he was tracked down and jailed for a year.
In May of the same year a man was nabbed after stealing almost £40-worth of JCs from a shop in Bristol while a 19-year-old West Heath youth was banged to rights after burgling a home in the Birmingham suburb in 2013 because he scoffed some Jaffas while in the property and his fingerprints were found on the box. He got seven-and-a-half years in custody.
Not quite taking the biscuit - well, returning it actually - was the guy who 'alf-inched a packet of Jaffas from the coffee bar where he worked in Skipsea, East Yorkshire, at the age of 15 only to be overcome by guilt 35 years later and return them (or at least a replacement pack).
With you at the helm I feel sure the concentration of manpower and resources will continue to be similarly prioritised - once we finally get back all the 20,000 officers axed by your Government.
Carry on Secretary.
Evenin' all,
Reg.
P.S. You might also want to look at the trafficking of Jammy Dodgers, discrimination against Bourbon Creams and why so few Fig Rolls are making it through to senior management positions in the police.
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