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Friday, 29 October 2021

Little Mix Up, Surely?

From the burgeoning files on the So Fucking What! shelf comes the laughably branded "news" that Little Mix star (Really? Ed) Jesy Nelson no longer talks to her former bandmates.

This bombshell, dropped on that hard news conduit The Graham Norton Show, was picked up by Sky News, among others.

Ms Nelson can't be held responsible for this being taken up by media outlets. She is just relating mind-numbingly inane tittle tattle on a talk show. The villains are those organisations which see this as "news".

Dear Sky News,

So, Jesy Nelson and her former Little Mix mob don't talk to each other anymore and this is news is it?

Well, having set the bar virtually below ground, why haven't we been told whether or not Ms Nelson prefers poached eggs to fried? What about having a bowel movement? Does she take a newspaper in there with her or is she an in-dump-and-out merchant?

We are still in the dark as to whether she gets on with the woman at the post office and does she think Monopoly lost the plot when they replaced wooden houses with plastic?

If you're short of news for tomorrow, I can exclusively reveal that I intend to take the dogs out for a walk and make toad-in-the-hole for dinner.

Never fear, there's loads more where this comes from.

Regards,

Reg.

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