When it was ever LEGAL for water companies to poison the public is unclear but the Conservatives had an oven-ready response for why they didn't want to rock the boat, metaphorically speaking.
"It would cost £660 billion to upgrade our Victorian sewer system to stop all storm overflows overnight," the 265 nay-sayers oinked as one.
Well, firstly, where the fuck they got that figure from no-one knows!
Secondly, it is implied the supposedly unaffordable bill would have to be met by us, Joe and Joanne Taxpayer. Oh no. Oh dear me no. Time for another letter to George Eustice, our Secretary of State for the Environment (and Food and Rural Affairs):
Dear George,
I hope you don't mind the informality but I feel we know each other. Yes, it's Reg again.
This supposed £660 billion for upgrading our sewers to stop the discharge of raw sewage into our watercourses? The estimate wasn't drawn up by my builder was it? (Nobbit, Bodgit and Leggit).
Whatever, you seem to imply that the invoice would be payable by us, the poor saps who pay your wages and every other public bill come to that.
To borrow a phrase popular these days with our splendid youth - "Shurely shome mishtake?" We are not the ones pumping crap into our water supplies! Believe me, if it was me I would stop it immediately! No need to enact new legislation. Actually, the law already exists which would see me jailed or at least fined more than I have ever earned in my life! Somehow it seems to exclude water companies?
No, the thing is it is the privatised water companies who are doing this. Now, I'm no legal expert as you know but isn't the bill for stopping the old shit-down-the-chute problem consequently payable by those companies?
I know your government has a novel approach to the public-private sector business models - i.e. "Makes money?" = give it to our mates/private outfits, "loses money?" = let the taxpayer foot the bill - but I really think you need to go against your own policy flow here (see what I did there?).
If you make the water companies responsible for not killing the public anymore - Tsk. Whatever next? - I think you will find that estimate for refurbishment will come down a tad. The firms will then be able to say they have fully met the bill for safeguarding customers by splashing out (I'm at it again) the £36.75 estimated for the work by Messrs N B and L.
I would be intrigued to know your thoughts.
TTFN,
Reg.
P.S. Within 24 hours of this letter the Government did a U-turn and decided to impose legal restraints on water companies dumping raw sewage.
The change of heart happened after metaphorical mobs of constituents bearing flaming torches and pitchforks rounded on the Tory MPs.
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