It's Grim Down South.

Ah! So comforting to see the Conservatives trying to return us to days of yore by re-introducing jousting knights! Yes, not to be outdone by SIR Desmond Swayne referring to a Guardian journalist as "comrade", SIR Peter Bottomley (Con, Nuremberg Central) has protested that it's "really grim" trying to live in London on an MP's basic salary - not including expenses - of £82,000-a-year.

I felt a note to raise his downtrodden spirits was needed.

Pete, Mate,

So pleased you raised the plight of MPs having to survive on just £82 K in our nation's capital. They used to say "it's grim up north" but your revelation shows that Boris's "levelling up" masterplan is working and you and the your party's mantra that "we're all in it together" is so true.

I sympathise entirely because since the axing of my £20 Universal Credit upgrade I have found it increasingly difficult to recruit a nanny for my children - Elvis, Chardonnay, Barrow-in-Furness (it's where she was conceived), Corbyn and Pinochet. As for my personal trainer, Barry says he will want more than £1-a-month since we came out of the EU.

Just how a power-hungry, self-obsessed, sociopathic arsehole is supposed to survive on just £1,576-a-week is beyond me! I mean, it's not as if these people asked to be MPs.......Ok, they did ask but........well, if you don't pay massive, totally unjustifiable wages you will just attract people who want to serve their constituents and the good of the country - and where the hell will that get you (sorry, us).

In a bid to help you and fellow political martyrs down there might I suggest you take a look at Comparethemarket.com? Not only might you all reduce your outgoings you might also qualify for a fluffy toy meerkat which you could raffle off to help meet your chauffeur's salary.

If you need any more help I will be getting my next giro through on Thursday,

Reg.

SIR PETER REPLIED THUS:

I wish you well. 

We should encourage more good people into trying to serve in parliament, while also reducing the overall number of MPs.

At present the less well-off and the very well-off can: successful people in between, such as headteachers and GPs, may not in sufficient number?

You will see I was first concerned for the issue of Universal Credit. 

Do read the interview; then if you wish, do call me on 07831 323333?