I've just seen an advert on the Devil's Lantern - during kids' teatime TV of course - for Go Henry, a pre-paid debit card for children!
The providers claim it will get youngsters used to budgeting their pocket money and using plastic to pay. What could possibly go wrong?
It's obviously all part of a not-so-secret campaign by our financial institutions to eradicate cash and get everyone on cards so they can be monitored closely and enticed into debt - THE REAL money spinner for the finance industry.
"Get 'em while they're young!" seems to be the mantra - you know, the one Hitler endorsed?
A hint as to the aim of the card is that it is not licensed by Mothercare or Janet and John but by Visa! A letter was called for:
Dear Visa,
Just a couple of points about the Go Henry pre-paid debit card you have licensed and which it is claimed will enable kids to learn to manage their pocket money.
Firstly, when I was in short trousers I used to get £5-a-week pocket money and it was invariably spent almost immediately, in one go, usually on Airfix models, football stickers, the Buster comic and 20 Woodbine.
I can't ever recall "budgeting" and saving up my pocket money (loading up a debit card?) to buy a new record player, Nottingham Forest season ticket or holiday in Disneyland. Pocket money don't work like that.
Admit it, you just want to sucker toddlers into using plastic so they can make a seemless transition later on to your credit cards and get in debt up to their pre-pubescent peepers?
It's a missed market, isn't it? Students have been sold to the banks and you've already got the rest of us in your pockets.
If you are prepared to stoop this low might I suggest some other products you could license to prepare children for adulthood?
How about Go Henry's Hair - a lotion they could rub on to make them go bald?
Go Henry's Teeth - self explanatory. Probably a special toothpaste?
Go Henry's Disposable Income - a range of mortgages and pretend children designed to drain them of cash for the rest of their lives.
Go Henry's Memory - tablets designed to make them forget why they came into a room in the first place.
Go Henry's Sphincter - an aromatic oil which ensures they are plagued by dripping genitals, particularly when wearing Go Henry White Trousers.
And finally........
Go Henry's Will To Live and Faith In People - again self explanatory. Perhaps a set of educational CDs?
If any of the above would pose licensing problems you could just let kids grow up in their own good time?
Why rob children of their childhoods? It's all they have.
Your thoughts?
Reg.
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