Dear Sir, Madam or Ms Marvel,
I was more than a little concerned to hear about your latest addition to the Superman genre. I gather he is Son of Superman, the offspring of the union between Clark Kent and Lois Lane.
On the positive side, may I firstly commend you for making Superman Jr bisexual. This development has been long awaited by those of us who spend our soulless, empty, and pointless lives masturbating away to your comics in our dimly lit attic bedsits. We can finally welcome more people to our community and I can now look forward not only to your strangely missing backcopy in which SM knocks the back out of Lois but also future editions in which his lad takes it up the wrong 'un.
Secondly, your launch was timed to coincide with the LGBTQ awareness extravaganza which is National Coming Out Day. I know it's first in my diary each year. Sadly, I am neither L nor G nor B nor T, although I might be Q, if only I knew what it stood for, but I still enjoy marking this special day by running around, banging on about my sexuality to people in Tesco's, regardless of whether or not they could give a shit.
Now for the downside. As a devotee of the heroes of the Super, Bat and Spider variety, I was concerned to learn that you still insist on calling our champion SuperMAN. That is blatantly sexist and does nothing to inspire little girls to run around with their pants on the outside or to get undressed and dressed in phone boxes. Is that really the sort of society in which we want to live? Similarly, if this superbeing does not get PMT then how on earth can he be expected to tackle the world's ills in a calm and rational way? Surely Superperson or Superindeterminategenderbeing would be more fitting?
Finally, and this is my biggest concern, you have given Superman's lad the name ........... Jon. Jon? Fucking Jon?? His dad's called Clark and his mum Lois! Do you honestly think two such cool characters would scour the volumes of baby names and come up with the fucking name Jon!?!
"Here's one - Bullrod. Whaddya' think?"
"Nah! We don't want to impose stereotypical images on him. I know, how about Stanley, or Gerald?"
"Not keen babe. I've got it! You know that divorced chartered accountant who lives with his mother down the road and collects milk bottle tops? We'll name the boy after him - Jon."
I hope you are able to feature a future story about how Superman visits the chemist, does some light shopping and then goes to get his name changed by deed poll?
Yours in expectation,
Reg.
P.S. If you could forward that edition missing from my collection in which Clark exchanges fluids with Lois I would be grateful.
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