Archimedes Would Be Spinning In His Bath.

It was Frank Zappa who said: "It's not getting any smarter out there." Well, definitely "out there" is Republican and pro-Trump candidate for the Virginia state legislature Scott Pio.

Pio-brained Scotty has suggested that to stop climate change causing sea levels to rise we should take all boats out of the water and that would supposedly make the sea levels fall.

He reasoned thus: "When you take things out of bath water, the bath water decreases, does it not?"

In the doubtless vain hope he can read I have dropped him a line.

Dear Scott,

I was interested to read your novel suggestion for combating the literally rising tide of global warming - taking all boats out of the water.

I at first wondered why no-one else had come up with this ingenious idea and then it dawned on me..........let me explain.

You see Scotty, and let me put this in a style you may more easily understand, once upon a time there was this foreign dude called Archimedes. Now Archie was taking a bath one day when he noticed something. No, not that. He noticed that when he got in the tub the water rose and it overflowed. So knocked out was he by this that he got out and ran naked down the street shouting "Eureka!" No, you're doing it again. It doesn't mean "You stink". It means, in foreign, "Like supercool! Slam dunk!"

Turns out, and to cut a painful (for you) story short, Archie had worked out that, for a sunken object, the volume of displaced fluid is the volume of the object BUT, for a floating object on a liquid (like a BOAT), the weight of the displaced liquid is the weight of the object.

All that means that.....that......that.......that taking all the boats out of the water would make absolutely no fucking difference to the sea level!!!!

In Albert the Aadvark Learns Science terms, all of the "freed up" water would only be replacing the water "used up" by the boats!

See? Now I know as a follower of the cult (corr) Trump you could be forgiven for being a tad light on the minor details of how things work. I mean, Donny's suggestion that people should inject bleach did not do much to ward off the Covid pandemic, although I gather the funeral services industry will be eternally grateful to him for it.

Might I suggest you avail yourself of this instructional book before election day? It may prove invaluable in future decision making, particularly the chapters:

1. Santa Claus -The Shocking Truth.

2. Storks And Their Complete Non-Involvement in Childbirth.

And............

3. Mrs Tiggywinkle Explains Postal Voting To Donald.

I wish you well in your future endeavours and particularly the election. Remember, your hero Trump won the vote against the odds - see opposite (Mr Trump, Mayor of Trumpton).

Kind regards,

Reg,

England.